This post is not from my journal but an update of sorts on my journey out of legalism.
I recently answered a question for someone, they asked me to describe my spirituality. I have not "arrived" yet. I'm still seeking and growing... adjusting to newer/better/healthier ways to see God and myself.
This is what I wrote in response to the question. I thought it was a good snippet of where I am right now.
"I grew up really legalistic. So I've actually been working through that. I want a relationship with god that doesn't have so many unhealthy boundaries if that makes sense. Not saying that I'm throwing God's ways away but there was such a focus on "being good" that I need God to renew my mind to live in His love and res. I was saved when I was really young, 5 or 6. When I was in my later 20's I had a special experience where God was starting a process of healing me from the legalism. I told God, "this is the first time I've felt saved." Being a follower of Jesus has been a journey... and recently God has been removing layers of legalism from me. It's hard to be taught one way, good people told me a wrong perspective/way to live... the focus was way off. I needed to be grounded and established in Jesus' love instead of such a focus on "be good." I'm a recovering legalist :P
It's a journey a, process, a slow peeling of the onion... I guess I'm the onion and as the layers are cut, prepared to be pulled away sometimes it brings tears... and it's stinky stuff that Satan and others laid on me that has to go. It's been a slow process. I feel like the process started in 2008.