Dec. 15th, 2000

Dear God,

     I don't exactly, well I want to know what you're doing in my life. what are You doing?  Am I suppose to do what I feel You're saying?  Why?  Is it what needs to be done?  is this going to happen the rest of my life?  Please give me some answers.

                                                                                       In Jesus' name Amen.
                                                                                              -Marie


Things I feel God wants me to do:

-Give away lots of things dear to me
-sell my camera, get rid of somehow
-get rid of my photos through burning (why? God)

      When i was wondering about some of the above, God gave me the devotional from "My Utmost For his Highest" [Oswald Chambers] from Dec. 14th

The Great Life

     Whenever a thing becomes difficult in personal experience, we are in danger of blaming God,  but it is we who are in the wrong, not God; there is some perversity somewhere that we will not let go... As long as we try to serve two ends, ourselves and God, there is perplexity.  The attitude must be one of complete reliance on God.  When once we get there, there is nothing easier than living the saintly life... Whenever you obey God, His seal is always that of peace, the witness of an unfathomable peace, which is not natural, but the peace of Jesus.  Whenever peace does not come, tarry till it does or find out the reason why it does not.  If you are acting on an impulse, or from a sense of the heroic, the peace of Jesus will not witness...
     My questions come whenever I cease to obey.  When I have obeyed God, the problems never come between me and God... any problem, and there are many, that is alongside me while I obey God, increases my ecstatic delight, because I know that my Father knows and i am going to watch and see how He unravels this thing.


     It was amazing how God gave me this, but my flesh hates what God is calling for.  [Oh my word did I really write that?  I was trying sooo hard. I was sooo uptight :(  I was wrong. Like missing it... not understanding God.  Yuck!  I feel kinda sad about it.  I strived sooo hard to do what I thought God wanted.]

     If God is asking you to give something to Him, whether is be smoking, a way of life, a person, whatever He's asking for, it is because He wants to give You something better. Maybe simplicity of Life, peace, a revealing of his spirit and presence, a deeper relationship with Him... He knows what is best and what you need most.  Just trust Him and put what He is asking for into his nail scarred, gentle, loving hands. TRUST HIM EVEN WHEN IT HURTS... TRUST HIM IT'S THE ONLY RIGHT THING TO DO!