I have journaled for years. I just got out of my chair at my black writing desk, the one in front of my window, and counted how many I have. I counted thirty-one dusty journals. (It's quite possible I have a few more back at my parents house.)
I remember one of my first journals. I was a kid then, I made my journal out of this strange sized pink paper. The paper was a long rectangle. I folded the paper in half and sewed down the center crease with white thread. I remember reading it when I was a bit older. It was embarrassing. I wrote about my developing body. Wow! the things that I would write and agonize over, like boys. Oh the pages I filled writing about boys!
I am thirty-one now. The journals that I have with me start in 2000.
I don't know how far I will go with this project, since I have thirty-one journals. That's ALOT of writing. I want to see how far I will go. It is my desire that young women, teenagers even women past my stage of life will read this and be encouraged. To be encouraged by my realness and my life. I see my life as a journey. A coming to know myself more, of walking more and more into wholeness.
I am a christian. A big part of who I am, my identity is tied up in being one. I grew up in this sub-culture. I grew up in a very conservative culture. I was just reading from my first journal today and it was painful to see how uptight I was. Part of my journey has been walking out of and still walking out of legalism.
Some of you won't be able to relate but I think many women can relate to "having it all together" being a perfectionist. Legalism is spiritual perfectionism. Which is very unhealthy. We will explore more of that through my writings. Even though legalism has colored my life alot I still had a very active relationship with God.
I don't know exactly how I will go about with sharing my journals. I'm thinking I will change some names. I will leave some stuff out, because it may be very personal.
I want to share myself with you. This is my heart, my struggles, my joys and sorrows. This is my life.